For Dummies
I love For Dummies books. Whenever I’m interested in a certain field and want a basic foundation on the concepts and items connected to it I go to a bookstore and buy a For Dummies book. If I were like Joe who has photographic memory and can memorize things, or like Josh who is eerily prophetic I wouldn’t need so many references. But I’m not. So I need them. I remember overhearing someone saying, “Why should I buy a book for dummies? I’m not a dummy!” I wanted to whisper nicely, “You’re a dummy for not catching the humour in their presentation of a reference book.”

As I get older, I realize more and more, that we all have living “For Dummies” references at our disposal, people, such as our parents, mentors, a friend, or anyone, who can tell us, “Don’t do that. Or “I’ve tried that”. Or “That road ends in a cliff”. Or “Stay the same and you’ll throw every good thing you have away.”

Looking back, I could have avoided a lot of mistakes if I had listened, if I had paid attention to the references available to me, to the wisdom I have access to, and especially to my parents.

But many times I didn’t – and at times still don’t.

And that’s why I’m the dummy who needs For Dummies books.

All Wrong
My very good friend Benjo once asked me about this female I had gone out with. I told him that was the past, “I know better now.” He then asked, “Enlighten me. What wise lesson have you learned this time?” I told him:

“I now know what I knew.”

We laughed at that thought. Both understanding that many times we stubbornly pursue paths that we KNOW will lead to painful endings. Proof that no matter what we know, or have achieved, or how much money we make, or positions we hold, or lovers we take, or accolades we receive, or talents we unveil, or whatever, we can be lost– very lost.

And I’ve realized it’s not so much because we choose to be with the wrong people, though that is connected to the problem, but more because we, including myself, especially myself, many times forget love. And in a world that has forgotten love, anyone and everyone will be wrong for each other.

Moving On
A few weeks ago while driving my grandparents home from Sunday lunch, my grandmother and I had this conversation:

Lola: So David, you’re the only one among your brothers who hasn’t introduced his girlfriend to me.
Me (kidding around): That’s because there are too many.
Lola: I’m serious!
Me (still kidding around): Seriously, they’re all over. I’m moving on.

And that triggered the She-Hulk.

Lola: I HATE HEARING THOSE WORDS “MOVING ON”! I hear that from so many people. In my day we worked on our issues!
Me: Could women vote in your day? Ah… we’re here!

After dropping them off, I could still hear my grandmother’s words ringing in my brain, “In my day we worked on our issues!” And the more I thought about it, I realized that in general, society back then was stronger because the family unit was stronger. The family unit was stronger because people “worked on it” instead of moving on like relational nomads. True, there was injustice and pain suffered in secret by many back then, especially by females, and today we don’t have to put up with anything but I can’t definitively say that people are suffering less today because of the many options we now have. Whether people are trapped and suffer in secret or suffer in the consequences of selfish choices – people are still suffering. I can’t even say people are at least happier today. Freer? Yes. More empowered? Yes. But happier? Can’t say.

Ok let’s move on… hehe…

The Funnel of Love
Now I’m taking a page from one of my greatest references, my father, a lesson he called the Funnel of Love. Depending on the color of your brain you might find the concept of a love funnel sick but let me continue. Wait a minute, I think he said “filter” – not “funnel”. Ok let’s use “filter”. Funnel is kinda inappropriate. Here’s what he said:

“Here’s a simple way to do the right thing. Filter everything with love. Before you do anything, ask yourself: Is this patient? Is this kind? Am I envious? Am I boasting? Am I proud? Am I being rude? Am I self-seeking and selfish? Am I being easily angered? Am I keeping a record of wrongs? Am I delighting in evil? What truth can I rejoice in? Will this protect? Am I trusting others? Do I continue to hope? Am I persevering? Filter all your thoughts and actions this way and you will know that you love.”

I remember listening to him, blank faced with a slight smirk, thinking to myself, “You have got to be kidding me. Do you realize how difficult your filter idea is? I’m going to end up not doing anything.” He read my thoughts in that way only fathers who have laid their life down for their children can and continued, “That’s why you have to seek God every day. Because it’s impossible without Him.”

And that’s why I go to God every morning, because I’ve realized, with this whole loving thing, I don’t stand a chance.